Friday, January 30, 2009

Thought for the Day

"Judge each day not by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you sow."
-Robert Louis Stevenson
(A good thing for parents to remember . . . and farmers, too, I suppose!)
God bless your weekend!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Battle of Warm Milk

Early this morning we started something new. Completely fed up with fighting the boys on EVERY little request, I decided that their response should now be "OK, Mom" or "OK, Dad"--no "buts" allowed. (I know I shouldn't be so hard on them. Asking them to put their clothes on after a bath really is SO unreasonable.) To my relief, both of them immediately started practicing and it was working really well--until Landen left for school.
Nathan is on his best behavior when he is trying to upstage his big brother. When Landen is in trouble or not listening, Nathan uses that as his time to shine as the "good son." Unfortunately this motivation boarded a mini bus at 7:10am and Nathan has since been sitting at the kitchen table refusing to drink one swallow of milk. He's screamed, kicked, tried to leave the table, and even passed up feeding cows with daddy.
I find these all-to-frequent battle of wills the most exhausting part of parenting. I can see why so many parents simply give in to their children for the sake of peace. But, I know that temporary peace is not what will ultimately win the war. I have seen what happens to young adults who were allowed to win these battles when they were young. I can spot which of them were allowed to quit when life got tough. They turn into frustrated young adults with no respect for anyone in authority. They want to accomplish great things, but are not equipped to handle adversity. These young adults do not realize that authority does not disappear after high school graduation. This is very unfortunate.
Although we are NOT perfect parents, David and I strive to give our children more than that. By "more" we do not mean excessive material possessions or more freedom than they are able to handle. This desire to give our children the best possible tools for life is what keeps us pressing on toward the goal--battle after battle
The Battle of Warm Milk has now lasted nearly 2 hours. I will need another cup of coffee for reinforcement as the battle rages on.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Bad Mom

Landen has been going through a new stage in which he calls me "bad mom" when he is angry. Parents with more experience tell me this is a good thing. Judging by how their kids turned out, I believe them. So, way to go all you BAD MOMS! You are doing your job!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

My "Something"

My mom says we all have SOMETHING unpleasant to deal with in life.
I heard from a college friend yesterday through Facebook. I had filled out a "25 Random Things" list and mentioned that I had survived Post Partum Depression and Anxiety. She thanked me for sharing that since she had no idea I had gone through depression; she has been living with depression and anxiety for several years herself.
Now, I don't want to be a downer on this post, but this is a subject that is close to my heart. I don't use the term "survivor" lightly. From the time Landen was about a week old and for about 3 weeks after that, I walked through the darkest days I ever hope to see. I consider myself blessed as I responded well to treatment and the worst lasted "only" a few weeks. I also know my worst moments weren't as bad as other's worst moments. A minute in depression can seem like an hour and I know some continue to suffer for years. My prayer throughout the anxiey attacks and hopeless moments of those weeks was that God would somehow use it for good. I hope you never experience depression, but if you do, here are some things I wish I had known.
1. Depression can make you feel guilty for no reason. Your baby is not and will not be angry with you for having post partum depression.
2. Talk to your Dr. You do not need to wait until your baby's check up. You are worth an office call. No one will think you are a bad mom or take your baby away. They have seen it before.
3. Reach out and talk to people who can help. (I tried this, but did not feel completely better until I talked to my Dr. The problem was I really didn't know what was wrong with me until I talked to him.)
4. You cannot will yourself out of depression. It is a disease--just like heart disease. You wouldn't be ashamed of your heart--don't be ashamed of your brain chemistry!
5. No matter what those awful feelings are telling you, THERE IS HOPE!
6. Don't listen to Tom Cruise--there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking an antidepressant. I am so thankful to live in an age when there are so many different treatment options available.
7. Depression isn't necessarily a dark "Eeyore" cloud above your head. I hardly ever cried. It is more like a 100 pound weight on your shoulders.
8. Even though you just want to be alone, surround yourself with people and activies that you used to enjoy. You will once again.
9. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. After I felt better and started telling others about my experience, I was surprised at how many had similar stories of their own struggle with depression. How I wish I had known I was not alone!
10. Remember "Footprints"? God is carrying you. I promise. I know. He carried me.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Not My Words . . .

I can't think of anything especially intriguing to write about today. But, since I would rather blog than scrub the mysterious spots off the fronts of my cupboards, I decided to share someone else's words.
My sister gave me the book "Forever, Erma" recently when I turned 30. The book, a collection of Erma Bombeck columns, had been on my wish list. You see, I want to be Erma Bombeck when I grow up. She began publishing her columns well before I was born (circa 1965) and wrote her last in 1996 as I was probably preparing for my Jr. Prom. So, I did not read her reflections when they were new. But, it doesn't matter. Her writing is so real, so funny,and so timeless. Even her columns from the very beginning still pertain to wives, mothers, and women in general today.
Here is one from (almost) exactly 40 years ago. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
"No More Oatmeal Kisses" from January 29, 1969:
A young mother writes: “I know you’ve written before about the empty-nest syndrome, that lonely period after the children are grown and gone. Right now I’m up to my eyeballs in laundry and muddy boots. The baby is teething; the boys are fighting. My husband just called and said to eat without him, and I fell off my diet. Lay it on me again, will you?”

OK. One of these days, you’ll shout, “Why don’t you kids grow up and act your age!” And they will. Or, “You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do . . . and don’t slam the door!” And they won’t.

You’ll straighten up the boys’ bedroom neat and tidy: bumper stickers discarded, bedspread tucked and smooth, toys displayed on the shelves. Hangers in the closet. Animals caged. And you’ll say out loud, “Now I want it to stay this way.” And it will.

You’ll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn’t been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing, and you’ll say, “Now, there’s a meal for company.” And you’ll eat it alone.

You’ll say, “I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No demolition crews. Silence! Do you hear?” And you’ll have it.

No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghetti. No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms. No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps. No more clothespins under the sofa. No more playpens to arrange a room around.

No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent. No more sand on the sheets or Popeye movies in the bathroom. No more iron-on patches, rubber bands for ponytails, tight boots or wet knotted shoestrings.

Imagine. A lipstick with a point on it. No baby-sitter for New Year’s Eve. Washing only once a week. Seeing a steak that isn’t ground. Having your teeth cleaned without a baby on your lap.
No PTA meetings. No car pools. No blaring radios. No one washing her hair at 11 o’clock at night. Having your own roll of Scotch tape.

Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of toothpicks and library paste. No more sloppy oatmeal kisses. No more tooth fairy. No giggles in the dark. No knees to heal, no responsibility.

Only a voice crying, “Why don’t you grow up?” and the silence echoing, “I did.”

Saturday, January 24, 2009

A Perfect 10

As I was watching "Miss America--Countdown to the Crown" this morning, Miss Maine requested a size 0 or size 00. What?? I had no idea there was such a thing as a size 00!
I have made peace with the fact that I will never ever be a size 0. I know this because of my "good German foundation" and my love of food. I just simply love to eat. I can only eat completely healthy so long before a cheeseburger or one of my favorite desserts (that includes about every dessert) calls my name.
Just like everything else in my life, I approach food with an "everything in moderation" policy. My usual pick at Arby's is a Martha's Vineyard Salad & one of David's curly fries. I sometimes consume mass quantities of fast food calories, but only on occasion. When I do go overboard, I figure as well as I don't do it every day--and the scale doesn't start to move against me--it won't hurt anything. Moderation has been working for me so far.
Vacation, however, is another story. I had a whole order of curly fries all to myself last week. They were SOOO good. I splurged on onion rings the next night, too. I figured I better get it all in since calories don't count on vacation--or Grandma's house. My Grandma Kallas' brownies are completely void of calories as long as I eat them at her house.
I've never been a skinny girl, but I wouldn't consider myself overweight either. I just recently bought a couple new pair of jeans--my first since having Teresa. It felt so good to update my jeans and find out that I am back to my usual size--a 10. After I lose my last 5 Teresa pounds they will fit just right.
I really do need to exercise more than I do right now. (This was made even more evident after my recent run through the airport! Although, David did say I would made a good runner since I recovered quickly. I'm not so sure about that.) A treadmill is on my current wish list. I exercised every day after having Landen and it made me feel better both mentally and physically. I exercised after Nathan, too, but somehow I never got into the habit after Teresa. That's probably why I am still holding on to the last 5 pounds as she is about to turn 15 months!
So, as long as I am healthy, I really don't care if I will never be a size 0--or less than a size 10 for that matter. It may not be a "Perfect 10" by Miss America standards, but it works for me.

Friday, January 23, 2009

We're Baacck!


Despite the cooler temps for the 2nd half of our trip, we still had a great time exploring and relaxing in the Keys. On Wednesday morning, the radio deejays were talking about a windchill of 48. It was a positive 48, so it wasn't too cold for us! I was just glad we made it. Here is that story I promised you . . .
As we were preparing to board our delayed flight out of Aberdeen on Sunday, one of the workers told us that we would probably not catch our connecting flight to Detroit and our bags would definitely not make it to Miami that night. We could go as far as we could or stay in Aberdeen until 7am the next morning. We decided to go as far as we could make it. We knew there would be another flight to Detroit that night, but not another to Miami until the next morning. Our flight attendant told us, however, that our bags would make it since the bags get on the plane before the passengers (and the man in Aberdeen had pushed ours toward the front to help us out). So, all the way to Mpls, I was praying that we would make it and preparing to run as fast or far as we had to to catch that next flight.
As soon as the plane doors opened, David and I started running. I always viewed running to catch the next flight as sort of romantic, but it about killed me! Halfway to our gate I knew why the flight attendant and others had suggested catching a motorized cart. David ran ahead to let them know we were there. I limped along on the moving sidewalks with the promise of Miami pusing me along. I finally drug myself to Gate C10 pretty sure my lungs were going to explode. God had answered my prayers and we had made the flight! After that we knew we would be OK and our vacation would go on as planned. I was able to relax after my lungs stopped burning! Dying in a plane crash had crossed my mind, but I never thought of an airport killing me.
I will not be signing us up for "The Amazing Race" anytime soon--that is for sure!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Off to Paradise

It is time for one of those "few and far between" vacations I talked about last week. Tomorrow night David and I will land in Miami and on Monday morning will drive down to the Florida Keys for a few days. We're all excited--David and I to get away and the kids to spend time with Grandma & Grandpa!
Please check back on Friday. I promise I won't post a long slide show or anything . . . but I may have a funny story or two to share!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Everybody's Doing It!

Landen came up to me and said, "I know what we can name our next baby!" I told him I think we are done having babies. He replied, "But, Mom, EVERYONE has more babies!"
Babies ARE really cute. Whenever I look at the pictures of my little chicks as tiny newborns, I fall in love with them all over again. I am one strange mom who actually likes the newborn stage. I don't even mind the night feedings since all three of my babies could log at least three hours at a stretch from practically the first night home. Everything is so new, beautiful, & tiny. For the first days, I look at my babies and think, "Wow--this is how you looked curled up inside of me when no one knew what you looked like!" I think that's cool.
It is no secret that David and I have always talked about having a somewhat-big family with 4 kids. Up until the minute Teresa was born I was thinking not only about this newest miracle, but also the "next" one. But now I know why so many families have three children and count their blessings. Being outnumbered is pretty crazy most of the time--especially when you are like us and have followed the every other year pattern thus far! Parents with more than three kids have told me that three was the BIG change and #4 (or more) just fell into place. Some say two was their biggest change, but I thought that was easier than just one.
So, who knows. I'm ONLY 30. Some of the brotherly fighting has lessened since Landen has started school part time and Nathan has accepted--after a year--that his sister isn't going anywhere. Thus, he has become her friend (most of the time) instead of a little bully.
We just may catch our 4th parental wind after Nathan makes it through his terrible 1's, 2's, and now 3's. If not, "my cup runneth over" with the three beautiful, healthy children we have--temper tantrums and all!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

To Retro or Not to Retro?

My husband, who isn't happy unless he has a project (or ten) on his mind has said that he MAY be ready for us to tackle the kitchen remodeling project this summer. It is something we have been wanting to do for awhile, and we even had professional drawings done a few years ago. We ultimately decided to add on a living room and bedrooms instead as we could see more children in our future at the time.
Now it looks like it may be time to finish off the house project. The remaining walls have minimal insulation left and our kitchen is feeling mighty chilly with these cold temps. So, from both a practical and cosmetic standpoint, I am excited to get to work!
I have had my eye on a retro-looking fridge (like the one on Rachael Ray's set or on www.bigchill.com) for a couple years. Usually something like that strikes my fancy for awhile and then I move onto something else. However, this time I still want a retro fridge. I want to keep my diner decor and the fridge would absolutely make the kitchen. It may look like your grandma's (or mom's) fridge, but I assure you it is not. It has the capacity & conveniences of a refrigerator of today with the OUTSIDE of a retro fridge. Cool, huh?
Unfortunately, this kind of frige comes with a price tag. It is about $1000 more to get the retro-covered fridge over the regular stainless steel model.
David didn't like the idea for awhile because he said it would be too trendy. I don't really think it is trendy since I've never actually seen one in anyone's house. If anything is trendy, it would be stainless steel! His next argument was that we would have to buy ALL retro-looking appliances. No sooner did those words come out of his mouth than I read on the website that it is NOT madatory when designing a kitchen to keep all appliances in the same era. So--that problem was solved, too!
Am I worth it? Well, of course! I just can't decide if the fridge is worth it.
I don't ever do things like that. I buy my kids' clothes at end of season sales a year ahead of time. I put up with the crowds at Walmart because they have the cheapest toilet paper. It took me 7 years to break down and buy Confetti Cake ice cream from the Schwan man because I thought it was too expensive. I buy neary everything generic. (But not Miracle Whip. A girl has to have SOME standards!)
When Cresbard school closed, I put my severance pay away to go toward dining room chairs & to put a drop in the kitchen project bucket. So, the money would be there. In the end, David says it is my kitchen to design. I just can't decide if I want to help pay for a cupboard or two or the funky fridge I REALLY want. If I go the retro route, then I'll have to choose the right color . . . oh, what to do?
I do know one thing. We won't be bringing back old Harvest Gold with the shelves held up by beer bottles. Now THAT was a fridge. Inevitably every fridge loses its last two bottles of beer. . . .

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Obviously Oblivious

When I got home from getting my haircut last week, our kids were in a state of chaos. They all rushed to the door as if I had been gone for 2 days instead of 2 hours. Landen needed batteries for his Thomas book, Nathan had wet his pants and was hobbling down the stairs like an old bowlegged cowboy, and Teresa was close behind just sure she had to be held by mom NOW.
Where was their dad? Sitting at the table talking about what trees to plant with the lady from the conservation office. As I came through the kitchen to take care of everyone's problems, he was completely oblivious to what was going on--and continuted to be until their meeting was over.
It also gets me how he can be deep in thought at the dinner table and not hear the boys' continuous requests for milk or more "cheesy googles." I never know if he is trying to develop their patience or doesn't hear them. Usually it is the latter.
Do I ever get to be deep in thought? Um . . . no. In the past 3 paragraphs, I had David talking to me for the first one and as soon as he left to feed cows, Landen moved in to talk to me about his toy. I don't think anything has gotten my full attention for probably 5 years now.
To be fair, I'm sure David would call me oblivious to the things he pays great attention to--like the tracks in our yard, for instance. As we returned from an afternoon away on Saturday, we had to sit in the driveway until all tracks in and out of our snowy yard were accounted for.
This reminded me of a story that is worthy of repeating. One summer day when Nathan was just a baby, I was heading out to get the mail when I saw a garter snake in the grass. So, I did what I had to do and got in the van to drive to the end of the driveway and back instead. (I repeat--this was in the summer--no snow--just gravel.) David came home awhile later and asked, "Did you drive to the mailbox and back?" Who pays that much attention to tracks--and in gravel no less? I suppose some day when our house is broken into and David is able to track down the guilty party I will be thankful for this skill!
I suppose that's one reason why our marriage works. We can both take turns being obviously oblivious.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Saved by the Ring

I woke up early this morning as David wanted to be out of the house by 6am. I reset the alarm for 7 more minutes and then woke up 45 minutes later at 6:50AM! This was a big problem since Landen gets on the bus by 7:10.
I jumped out of bed as fast as I could and discovered my leg had fallen asleep. I hobbled around the bed to get dressed and then proceeded to hobble downstairs dragging my bum leg beside me.
I had just gotten Landen back upstairs (thankful the feeling had come back in my leg) and got him in the shower when I heard the phone ring with my cell phone following a second later. We were saved! I knew it was SchoolReach telling us school had been cancelled. Whew!
About ten minutes later the wind came up. Bring on the snow day.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Small Pleasures

Having three small children means big date nights and vacations are few and far between. So, for most days I have to look for small rewards to perk me up. My favorites:
A latte, capuccino, or other coffee drink
Facebook, emailing, or, now, blogging
a bite of chocolate
online shopping--or even just browsing
People magazine
working on one of my many hobbies
Schwan's chip & mint ice cream
a glass of wine--I recently discovered Moscato, a sweet white wine--Yum!
watching one (or part of one) of my favorite TV shows (I am bringing up the 4th generation of The Price is Right watchers.)

Some days even a trip to the grocery store by myself is a treat. Those are the days I know it is time for a date night again!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The First Born

Last week I overheard David playing with the kids downstairs. Finally, he said, "Landen, stop bossing us around." Landen replied, "But I'm just telling you the truth!" Oh, the first borns. We can be a bossy lot. But we really just want you to know the truth!
I have been reading "The New Birth Order Book" by Dr. Kevin Leman. It really is amazing how much Dr. Leman hits right on the nose when it comes to birth order. I have thought on occasion (after tense moments with my husband) that first borns should not be allowed to marry and in fact Dr. Leman has an entire section devoted to the problems that can arise (like the occasional power struggles when we BOTH think we know the TRUTH!) What helps us is we are different types of first borns. David is more aggressive and I err on the side of people-pleasing. (That's a whole other book I have yet to read . . . .)
I had a light bulb moment in a section where Dr. Leman says first borns hate to be asked "why" they have done something. Oh my gosh. I HATE that! Obviously I have done something a particular way because it is the RIGHT way! Too bad David usually has his own RIGHT way. :o)
Our family is pretty stereotypical with the precocious first born, the frustrated middle child and the baby "princess." (Dr. Leman's word--not mine. I want my daughter to be stronger that the term "princess" implies.)
I tried to treat all of our children the same as they came along, but the birth order roles inevitably emerged--even at their young ages. My friend Kelly, from whom I am borrowing the book, said that it must be God's plan because we need leaders, negotiators, and free spirits in the world. I had never looked at it that way before.
Of course, birth order characteristics are also determined by the age gap between children, boys or girls, etc. and there are exceptions to every rule.
Do you follow the rule or are you an exception?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Not Magazine Worthy

You would think by the number of magazines that arrive in our mailbox each month my kids would have the perfect childhood complete with a gourmet meal each night that has earned the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval. Not so much. I love my magazines and usually have good intentions at using some of the ideas, but I rarely ever do.
Last summer as our family was preparing for 2 back to back road trips, I was trying to think of travel activities for our boys. I thought of a great idea. I would put magnets on the back of some of their puzzles and take cookie sheets along in the van. Brilliant! That idea was sure to earn me at least $25 when I submitted it to Family Fun! Well, we weren't 10 miles down the road when I flipped open the latest issue of Family Fun and there was my idea--only the puzzle was on that mom's fridge. Oh, well . . . but she hadn't thought of using a cookie sheet! Somewhere past Valentine, NN (enroute to Denver) I pulled out the magnet pieces and the cookie sheets for the boys. Before 2 seconds passed, they told me it didn't work. Guess what--Airbake cookie sheets aren't magnetic! Oops. I carefully took them away and distracted them with something else before they became too traumatized. Whew!
Right around Halloween, I read that some other creative mom had made a spider web out of clear lights. A perfect project for my boys and me! Nathan and I made the first one--tying the lights to the side of our deck and staking them in the ground. It looked great during the day, but we had strung them too close together and it only looked like a big glob of white light by night.
The next morning while Teresa napped, Landen and Nathan and I returned ready to make an even BIGGER spider web. We even made a big SPIDER to tie onto it! The results looked almost like the real thing and the white lights glistened in the sun.
That night I went to plug it in and neither of the outside outlets would work. I use them all the time and they always work! But I tried everything and there was no power. So, I got an extension cord. I plugged the lights into an inside outlet and a bad thing happened--only half of one string lit! I did some investigating and found a few lights were broken. I fixed those and still there was nothing. Then I saw it. Our dog Callie had chewed one of the stings. Oh, well, I thought. I would fix it in the morning. I would not be defeated!
I returned the next morning with a new string of lights (I always buy a new string every year if I need one or not). As I started to unwind the web to find the severed string, I saw there was another problem. Callie had chewed every possible string apart. There was no repairing this project. Our lighted spider web was not to be.
Since then I really intended to make that apple pie recipe in Good Housekeeping and to try that discipline trick in Parenting . . . but, maybe it's best that I didn't.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Oyster Crackers

As I was making soup last Saturday for dinner, I sent Landen downstairs to get a bag of oyster crackers from the pantry. I told him to look for "circle crackers." After some time passed with no Landen or crackers appearing at the table, David went down to check on him. Landen was still scouring the pantry shelves looking for the circle crackers. David picked up the bag of oyster crackers and asked him if that was it. Landen replied, "No. Those are HEXAGON crackers."

The First Post

Hmm . . . when I saw that the American News was no longer running the xy page, I felt a bit of panic. That had been my creative outlet--non-paying--but a wonderful place to submit my thoughts and write once again. But, as with my pre-mom body, Cresbard High School, and the last season of "Survivor," all good things must come to an end.
After some thought (in between changing diapers, finding another episode of "Dora the Explorer," cooking meals, and counting how many times I had heard "MOOOMMM!" in an hour), I decided it was time to create my own place to write. I can't promise how often I will write, but I promise I WILL write eventually. Writing is my therapy and how I best communicate with others. I hope you will check back often. (I'm new at this, but I think if you become a "follower" it will email you when there is a new post.)
The only rule I have for my readers is that you MUST arrive at my blog with a sense of humor. If you are a wife and/or mother, you know that some moments are wonderful and some make you wish you were having extensive dental work done instead. I promise I will write about both. God bless.