A few weeks ago, I was getting pretty tired of my lower back and hip pain. It wasn't terrible; I was still able to function, but it was starting to get worse and was keeping me from falling asleep at night. Should I go to a chiropractor? That seemed like such a drastic step to take. It wasn't THAT bad. Besides, it was a bad time of year, being harvest, and I would have to find a place for Rachel. I could survive without feeling better.
Even so, I finally made an appointment with a local chiropractor I had never gone to before. I was so nervous, because the last time I had seen a chiropractor was probably 25 years ago, and I thought he'd probably tell me there wasn't anything wrong with me. Even as I was sitting in the waiting room before the appointment, I was thinking, "I don't really need to be here."
As it turns out, I did need to be there. The chiropractor was very nice and explained what he thought was bothering me. If I had waited longer, it would have turned into a bigger problem. After a couple of sessions on the HydroMassage table (Wow!) and some adjustments, I was feeling much better.
This week is National Mental Health Awareness Week, and in thinking about that, it struck me that the two situations are very much the same.
We have come a long way in overcoming the stigma of mental illness, but there is still a long way to go. Mental illnesses, such as depression and anxiety, are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.
It is NOT a weakness.
It does NOT mean you are crazy, bad, or an unfit parent.
It does NOT mean you can just think happy thoughts and get over it.
It does NOT mean you simply need more faith.
If you had a bad heart valve, I wouldn't tell you to go home and get more faith in your life. Don't get me wrong, prayer is a HUGE part of coming out of depression, but I think we also need to pay attention to how God has already answered these prayers, though the understanding we now have of these imbalances and ways, medically and naturally, that can treat them and the medical professionals He has given to help us with these treatments.
I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, it took me awhile to seek help for my Post Partum Depression 10 years ago because
1.) I could still function. I was miserable, but I could still function.
2.) It was a bad time. (Yes, harvest.)
3.) Even though I often felt miserable at home, when I was in public, I often felt better, so I didn't want to waste a doctor's time with my "little" problem.
4.) I thought my baby would hate me for how I was feeling.
5.) I thought everyone would think I was a bad mom.
Because I had experienced anxiety at other times during childhood and adolescence (although I didn't know it had a name then), I knew things that had helped me in the past. I tried talking to people, my husband, my mom, a school counselor friend, our parish priest, but it ultimately didn't help me much. Within that time, David's cousin's baby son died unexpectedly. The news brought sadness, of course, but also guilt because I should have been thankful for my own son. I remember after finally (maybe 2 weeks, but it felt like forever) making an appointment with our family doctor, thinking, "It's hopeless anyway. I've already tried talking to people and trying the things they suggested and I still feel the same. He won't be able to help me either."
Dr. Jundt gave me what I thought I didn't want, but what I needed, an antidepressant. It took a couple of weeks to work, but I slowly felt the fog of panic, fear, sadness and hopelessness lift and I wasn't just functioning. I was living again, and enjoying my husband and new son.
After the school closed a few months later, I was home full time and not liking this new forced change in my life. This time, Dr. Jundt suggested a counselor. I agreed to it, as I had seen counselors at other times in my life and it had always helped me. I felt pretty silly, though, because I wasn't THAT bad. I was just going to waste her time. I just knew it. Well, as it turned out I didn't. I learned a lot in the few months I saw her and still use what I remember when I am feeling the anxiety creep in again. I remember her telling me, "You're not a basket case. Very few people who I see actually are." It was such a relief to realize that I deserved help; I didn't have to feel totally out of control before I was worthy to get better.
Over the years, I have been off and on antidepressants due to preventing PPD again, or to help deal with difficult life events as we lived through last year with the loss of our nephew and Rachel's subsequent craniosynostosis diagnosis. I am currently off and doing well with prayer, better nutrition and exercise. Like I said, I still use the tools I learned through counseling, so now when I do feel anxiety creeping in, I can usually keep it at bay. If something does come up, I am not afraid or ashamed to go back on the Zoloft if I need it.
If I hadn't gotten the help I did when I did, I would still be battling it today. And that wouldn't have been a fun 10 years for anyone. It also would be a MUCH bigger problem now and much more difficult to treat.
I tell you my story again, not to bore you, but to share that if you struggle with anxiety, depression, or any other mental illness, please make an appointment with your doctor or a counselor. Even if you feel like you aren't THAT bad. If it interferes with your life, relationships, eating or sleeping, it is worth asking about. If your doctor says, "It's all in your head." and you still don't feel well, talk to someone else.
Now, you can go on just surviving, and some people take a lot of pride in that they don't need any medication, counseling, or other intervention for their mental illness. In reality, though, people who feel this way often DO need it; they just don't take it. Last time I checked, these people didn't get any special prize at the end of the day.
For more information on chemical imbalances, I recommend Blue Genes, by Dr. Paul Meier, as it is a great source of information on the brain chemicals and how they affect mood. It is very easy to understand with many examples from his practice.
A fiction book, but a very accurate look at living with depression, is Becoming Olivia, by Roxanne Henke.
Of course, you can also message or email me if I can help in any way or direct you to someone.
If you are affected by a chemical imbalance, or think you might be, YOU are worth it to get better.
And YOU WILL.
No comments:
Post a Comment