41

I turned 41 a couple of days ago. 

Birthdays always make me reflective, and since I've become a stay-at-home mom with kids in school (a promotion I highly recommend), I find myself with more time to reflect. That is sometimes a benefit, and sometimes not.

About a week ago, I had a bad day. You know those days when you feel like you have failed so many times at being a mom and it was cloudy and cold and, to make matters worse, you are pretty sure everyone has met Garth Brooks but you? (Well, maybe that last part is just me.) :)

In reality, circumstances were not as terrible as I was making them out to be; things were just in a place in which they needed to be improved, as things periodically do, and, instead of feeling challenged and inspired, I was feeling pretty defeated. 

So, what did I do? Well, first I felt sorry for myself for awhile because, well, that's what I do. 

Then, I revisited my self-appointed virtual spiritual advisor Fr. Mike's #FAIL homily series from last May. (Soundcloud App--Bulldog Catholic or BulldogCatholic.org. Check it out. Need not be Catholic to appreciate.)

And then I remembered.

That failure is not fatal and failure is not final.

In Jesus, we are free to fail--in big and small ways.

But we can't stand and stay in it.

Because someone is counting on you.  

When I stop the feeling sorry for myself and reach out to God for help, He always leads me to places to remind me of His love for me. When I relinquish the (illusion of) control and (finally) throw my hands in the air and say, "I don't know how you are going to fix this, but I need you to," it doesn't take long--sometimes just hours or less--to see a glimpse of Him working to do just that. The next day, two different friends stopped for impromptu coffee visits to share their prayers and wisdom with me. I was reminded of my dear friend's gift of hope and how she inspires me to hold onto it with both hands. A quick trip to my hometown a couple of days later was such a gift to my soul.

It is well. :)

So, I turned 41 in a much better place and was blessed with a beautiful day as well. Getting older reminds me that life is moving quickly. I want to do the best I can with the gifts I have been given, and I really do try to do that every day. I'll fail again and I'll succeed again and I need to remember that it is all a blessing. 

Because God has placed a call on my--and your--life that no one else can answer.

And someone is counting on me--and you.

As I do every year, I thank you for sharing the ride with me.