I can't even . . . .

As I was walking up to our parish hall last Sunday morning, our church secretary Jeanne stopped me at the sidewalk and warned me that the hall had a strange smell. They were airing it out, but they weren't sure what it was. I continued into the hall and kitchen and smelled it, too. It smelled like a dead mouse, but I did a quick look around and didn't see anything.

(You already know this isn't going to end well. . . .)

At the end of mass this morning, Father announced the KC Pancake Breakfast following mass to raise money for a defibrillator. He commented that we would then be ready for a heart attack, and ended with the best place to die would probably be church if it's your time to go. We all laughed.

(Can you guess where this is going? No you can't.)

I had forgotten all about the smell, and didn't notice anything this morning. We all enjoyed our pancake breakfast and I started helping the guys wipe down tables afterward. (They were all doing so well with their hands in dishwater, I didn't want to disturb them!) As the people dispersed and I wiped down my last table,  I remembered that I had wanted to check on some books in the center classroom for the upcoming school year. Just as I got close to the room, my boys and their friend Jude rushed out of the room to tell me they had found a dead . . . SNAKE in the classroom! At first I thought they were joking, and when they assured me they weren't, I didn't outwardly scream, but I sure did inwardly! 

My eyes must have shown my panic, as Landen calmly and quietly followed up with, "Mom, don't make a scene." OK, so it's sad that my 14 year old had to calm his mother down, but if you know me, and he certainly does, you know I am TERRIFIED of garter snakes--alive OR dead.

Landen shared my relief that they were the first ones in the room. He told me, "I told Jude that if you would have seen it first, we would have needed that defibrillator!" 

Yes, yes, very probably true.

While I stayed a safe distance away, from the dead snake that wasn't going anywhere since it, too, obviously thought church was a great place to die, the boys informed their dads who promptly disposed of the intruder. From the cloud of Glade sprayed in the room and the boys' comments, it was obvious that it was smelling pretty bad by this morning. 

After the excitement had passed, Landen returned to my side. "You know," he said, "the funny thing about you is I could have told you we found a dead body and you would have just said, 'OK, I'll call someone and they will take care of it.' We tell you we found a dead snake and you freak out." 

Ah . . . he knows his mother so well.