Last week, I devoured Jennifer Fulwiler's newest book, One Beautiful Dream.
It was ironic (or more probably God's perfect timing) that I happened to catch an in-progress interview as I leaving my talk on Healing Writing. As I pulled out of the clinic parking lot and tapped on The Catholic Channel tab, my ears instantly perked. I had listened to The Jennifer Fulwiler Show before, but nothing before had grabbed my heart like the words pouring out of the radio.
WHAT WAS THAT?
Mothers still have something to contribute to the world WHILE raising their families?
Mothers can and should pursue their passions and gifts in order to have MORE energy for their families?
Mothers giving time to their God-given talents is a BENEFIT to their families?
I ended up listening until my next stop 40 minutes later, all the while thinking,
"Yes, yes, yes! Amen, Amen, Amen!"
This conflict of passion vs. mothering has been a struggle in the years since my short teaching career ended, and if you have read this blog the past eight or so years, you have followed me through it. When my kids were little, I used to cry coming home from family reunions because it seemed everyone else had a side gig to fulfill their lives. Pouring my entire being into my family without any place for my dreams in that plan left me a sad, resentful mess. The worst part? For a long time, I didn't know what I would even do if I had the opportunity!
Yes, I know that raising my family is the most important job in the world and I am grateful for the days and years that I have spent with my children. My heart knows that, too, as when anything has started to take too much time away from my family, it has been given up.
But my heart still always searched. . . .
I have tried a myriad of things over the years seeking this type of fulfillment--home decor direct sales, creating and selling crafts, oral interp/play director, piano teacher . . . and those were all great and fine, and I enjoyed them for the most part, but they weren't my passion.
What is my passion?
Writing.
It doesn't matter what I am writing about. I love the process of gathering information and fitting the pieces of the puzzle together to tell a story. I love learning new things about my subjects--whether it be keeping cattle safe in the summer or a childhood friend's current experiences in Finland.
(I love searching for errors in others' writing almost as much, and this makes my own writing better.)
I love processing my thoughts and putting them together in this same way. Thank God for blogs!
(As acknowledged in Chapter 11 of One Beautiful Dream.)
If my thoughts aren't put into writing, they remain a jumbled mess.
And then I become a jumbled mess.
I instantly clicked with One Beautiful Dream because it describes how Jennifer followed her dream--which just happened to be writing her first book Something Other than God--while going through four additional pregnancies and all the poop, puke and blessed chaos that goes with all that.
What did I learn after taking this book everywhere with me for two days, including my son's track meet? (Sorry, two mile runners, for not paying attention to your race.)
Well, several things, but most importantly . . .
1. Laura, stop acting like you are the captain of a sinking ship whenever anything doesn't go according to plan. (I realize that is unfair to ship captains, as the captain of the Titanic likely handled that crisis much better than I handle any inconvenience around here most days.)
Jennifer, not surprisingly, had several twists, turns and setbacks in the pursuit of her dream.
*Spoiler Alert* Her first manuscript was sent back for a complete rewrite.
I read that first book.
I had no idea.
2. You can't wait until life is perfect to fulfill your dream. Is it a crazy time of life? Pursue it anyway!
Now, I'm not going to sit down and write the next great novel right now because, well, since I don't have an idea or direction for that book, I sense it isn't time for that yet. So, right now my plan is to continue my writing, collecting and organizing my facts (or thoughts, whatever the case may be), and remembering that it's always the right time to pursue a beautiful dream.
Even if that's just giving myself permission to take that first small step.
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