A door to the past . . .

We found several family treasures as we cleaned out the old garage attic. Among my favorites are the old window frames--and this screen door, which is from the side of the original farm house.

As David dropped items below to Nathan and me, we had to think fast about what we wanted to keep and about what had to go. I instantly had to keep this door, thinking that I would paint it a fun color and put it in my perennial garden.

It made it to the garden, but I just couldn't paint it when I saw this . . . 

the wearing of working hands throughout the years. 

How many times was this handle grabbed by David's great-grandpa after a hard day of farming?

By his great-grandma coming in from doing laundry or butchering chickens?

By their children, tired from working or playing on their farm, or just because they wanted to say, "Moommm!" 

(I know children did this even back then, as David's grandma Rosemarie shared with me during our many coffee talks.)

And, so the door will stay as it is, to remind us of where this farm and family have come from and where we are going.

I wish you a beautiful Memorial Day weekend as we remember our loved ones and embrace the moments we have with those we are blessed to have with us.

The view from here

Our kids began their summer vacation at noon this past Wednesday. The morning was an emotional one for me, with my youngest now done with kindergarten and my oldest approaching his freshman year of high school. Let's not forget my middle daughter entering her final year of elementary school. (And, yes, there's Nathan, but approaching 7th grade feels to me like a respite after he navigated the first year of middle school, and quite well, I should add.) This, as well as it being our bus drivers' last day driving after 10 years, all made me a little teary.

As I was making breakfast Thursday morning, I heard one of them say, "It's hard to get used to summer vacation," and the others agreed.

The beginning of summer vacation is always something I've looked forward to with a more than a bit of trepidation. (When Rachel told me last February that they crossed their 100th day off the list, I immediately made a mental note to cross more things off of my "Get this Done While the Kids are in School" List!" Their routine is turned upside down and so is mine. It never occurred to me that these weeks are difficult for them as well.

Thankfully, though, God has blessed us with a smoother transition this year, helped by the fact that they are all a year older. (Yes, I realize this is what had me so weepy on the last day of school. It only took a day for God to show me the blessings in that!) 

Planting is just wrapping up, which kept the boys busy for their first days at home. The girls have been helping me with yard work and their daily chores at home. I've spent the rest of my time filling in their calendars with baseball games, VBS, sports camps, and scheduled time with family. 

I snapped this picture as Rachel was pushing me on the swing Thursday. (Another benefit to them growing older is now I occasionally get a push on the swing!)

It is a view of the two old elm trees in our backyard that I hadn't considered before. As the story goes, David's great grandmother wanted to be buried between those two trees. 

I've been assured that she is not.

Truth be told, they are not my favorite trees in the world. Right now, they are not covered with leaves. They are covered with millions of seeds that will blow around my yard, producing millions of tiny elm trees wherever I do not want them--in my raspberries and flower gardens to name just a few. It is always ironic to me that we deliberately plant trees that maybe have a 50% survival rate, but those baby elms will survive in a crack in a sidewalk. 

Thankfully, I can choose my view. I can lament these annoyingly awful seeds, or I can see something else.

I can see the branches that have shaded my children and me as we have spent countless hours swinging and playing in the sand.

I can look forward to the leaves that will soon cover the branches.

I can see the thick trunks that have provided a backstop for many a pitched baseball and a clothesline when my children were little.

I can be grateful for all of the seeds and blessings that will be combined into a beautiful summer of work and fun together.

One Beautiful Dream . . . and mine

Last week, I devoured Jennifer Fulwiler's newest book, One Beautiful Dream.

It was ironic (or more probably God's perfect timing) that I happened to catch an in-progress interview as I leaving my talk on Healing Writing. As I pulled out of the clinic parking lot and tapped on The Catholic Channel tab, my ears instantly perked. I had listened to The Jennifer Fulwiler Show before, but nothing before had grabbed my heart like the words pouring out of the radio. 

WHAT WAS THAT? 

Mothers still have something to contribute to the world WHILE raising their families? 

Mothers can and should pursue their passions and gifts in order to have MORE energy for their families? 

Mothers giving time to their God-given talents is a BENEFIT to their families?

I ended up listening until my next stop 40 minutes later, all the while thinking, 

"Yes, yes, yes! Amen, Amen, Amen!"

This conflict of passion vs. mothering has been a struggle in the years since my short teaching career ended, and if you have read this blog the past eight or so years, you have followed me through it. When my kids were little, I used to cry coming home from family reunions because it seemed everyone else had a side gig to fulfill their lives. Pouring my entire being into my family without any place for my dreams in that plan left me a sad, resentful mess. The worst part? For a long time, I didn't know what I would even do if I had the opportunity!

Yes, I know that raising my family is the most important job in the world and I am grateful for the days and years that I have spent with my children. My heart knows that, too, as when anything has started to take too much time away from my family, it has been given up. 

But my heart still always searched. . . .

I have tried a myriad of things over the years seeking this type of fulfillment--home decor direct sales, creating and selling crafts, oral interp/play director, piano teacher . . . and those were all great and fine, and I enjoyed them for the most part, but they weren't my passion.

What is my passion?

Writing.

It doesn't matter what I am writing about. I love the process of gathering information and fitting the pieces of the puzzle together to tell a story. I love learning new things about my subjects--whether it be keeping cattle safe in the summer or a childhood friend's current experiences in Finland. 

(I love searching for errors in others' writing almost as much, and this makes my own writing better.) 

I love processing my thoughts and putting them together in this same way. Thank God for blogs!

(As acknowledged in Chapter 11 of One Beautiful Dream.)

If my thoughts aren't put into writing, they remain a jumbled mess. 

And then I become a jumbled mess.

I instantly clicked with One Beautiful Dream because it describes how Jennifer followed her dream--which just happened to be writing her first book Something Other than God--while going through four additional pregnancies and all the poop, puke and blessed chaos that goes with all that.

What did I learn after taking this book everywhere with me for two days, including my son's track meet? (Sorry, two mile runners, for not paying attention to your race.)

Well, several things, but most importantly . . .

1. Laura, stop acting like you are the captain of a sinking ship whenever anything doesn't go according to plan. (I realize that is unfair to ship captains, as the captain of the Titanic likely handled that crisis much better than I handle any inconvenience around here most days.)

Jennifer, not surprisingly, had several twists, turns and setbacks in the pursuit of her dream.

 *Spoiler Alert* Her first manuscript was sent back for a complete rewrite.

I read that first book.

I had no idea.

2. You can't wait until life is perfect to fulfill your dream. Is it a crazy time of life? Pursue it anyway!

Now, I'm not going to sit down and write the next great novel right now because, well, since I don't have an idea or direction for that book, I sense it isn't time for that yet. So, right now my plan is to continue my writing, collecting and organizing my facts (or thoughts, whatever the case may be), and remembering that it's always the right time to pursue a beautiful dream.

Even if that's just giving myself permission to take that first small step.

Changes

So . . . this happened on April 21. After 67 years of serving as a faithful garage, and much longer than than in existence, it all came down.

By Saturday evening, we had it this far! We were able to keep the basement door for a little while, but have had to cover it as construction has started. My kitchen door is currently a dead end and that makes trips up and down the stairs much more beneficial exercise-wise than it was before!

While we were in the demolition process, Great Uncle John stopped by to check on the progress and shared a photo album he had. He and his wife, Donna, raised their family here and are who sold the farm to David.

Here is the house after it was built in 1951. They used the old farm house to make the garage. 

David's great aunt and uncle had a breezeway that attached the two and we turned it into a one-stall after we were married. 

Hopefully the outside will be complete in the next few months. I am looking forward to the garage . . . and my front door again! :)

Spring--Quickly

I knew spring was coming, but it hit and jolted us from our winter slumber like an alarm clock at 5:47 a.m. We've been running ever since. Well, one of us has been running . . . 

Nathan ran his first year of track and did quite well for a 6th grader. (This photo was from his first meet in Aberdeen. Photo credit goes to Gail Stoltenberg.) 6th graders always run against 7th graders and sometimes both 7th and 8th graders, as was the case yesterday at the Lake Region Conference Meet in Ipswich. He came in 4th in the MS 1600m, 8th in the 400m, 9th in the 800m, and their 4x400 relay took 5th. 

The girls performed in their Elementary Spring Concert last Wednesday. The older kids presented a musical, "Joust," and the younger grades presented a musical named "Swamped!" Teresa was a minstrel with her recorder (first red hat/black dress on the left) and Rachel was a "tadapole." 

We also had our last Religious Ed class for the year last week. The 4th graders decorated the sidewalks as part of their activity. I have seen this design from Teresa a couple of times lately and I love her message--"Shine Bright All the Time."

The FFA Banquet was Friday night. The members received many honors over this past year. Landen was recognized for receiving a Gold Medal Award for placing 10th at State FFA.

Teresa and I got up before the sun Saturday and headed to Jamestown, ND, for a volleyball tournament. She played in the Matchbox program this past spring in Aberdeen. They had one practice a week for 9 weeks and had two "play dates." One showed us parents what they had been working on and this last one was a tournament. Teresa made some fun new friends and improved on her volleyball skills as well. Watching these "little" girls serve the ball over the net amazes me. Believe me--it is more difficult than it looks!

With one more week of school, there are field trips and fun ahead. Oh, and we are also in the process of building a new garage.  More on that later!

Healing Writing

Yesterday I branched out from my writing comfort zone into the world of public speaking. My friend Cathy, a social worker, asked me several months ago to speak at a meeting of her Coping with Loss group, using writing as a way to heal. I was excited to accept, even though I didn't quite know what my angle would be at that time.

It all came together as I considered it and honed it over the past few weeks, and even though the two other speakers, a nurse and pastor, and I hadn't met before yesterday, all of our presentations fit together, which can only be the Holy Spirit. My audience was very friendly and receptive, which always helps, especially when the speaker has not been up in front of a group of people much in over a decade. :)

My presentation focused on journaling through recording family history (simply put--writing your memories), collecting favorite quotes/words, using prompts when journaling to distract your mind and encourage creative thinking, and alternative forms of journaling that don't include writing, such as collecting photos or recording your voice.

The most rewarding part for me was leading the group through a writing exercise near the end of my presentation and hearing the detailed descriptions of the best day of their lives--a wedding day, a third birthday, and the birth of a son. I encouraged them that, even if they chose not to journal regularly, to look back at the memory and relive the joy they captured in those few minutes of writing.

It was such a blessing to share two of my passions--writing and encouraging people in this journey of life. I hope God will give me more opportunities to speak in the future and that our time together was as much a blessing for the listeners as it was for me.