I have been trying to organize my notes in my head, trying to glean just the most critical information I think all parents should know. Most of this is in Rosemond's most recent book, Parenting by the Book, so be sure to look to that if you want more information.
Here's some of what I learned:
1. A parent does not have to be overly involved or obsessed with one's children to be a good parent (despite what current culture and parenting magazines tell us). Parents would do better concentrating on a child's character rather than their academic skills. If they enter school well disciplined, their learning will soon follow. (As a teacher by nature, I admit I fell into the idea that ABC's were much more important than character.)
2. There are seasons of parenting. The Season of Service goes from ages birth-2, with a transition stage from ages 2-3. Then comes the Season of Leadership which lasts from ages 3-10. The Season of Mentoring lasts from 13 until emancipation from home. Finally, the Season of Friendship is established.
This is what I had been struggling with. I am darn good at the service part if I do say so myself (after all, that is my love language), but I was struggling with how to treat my children now that they are not helpless babies anymore. They kept asking for help, so they must need it. Right? Not so, says Dr. Rosemond. Once I learned about the seasons, it all made sense, and I am so glad I learned this when my oldest child was 6 and not 16! I put this plan into action on Sunday morning, and it is amazing what my children are able to do for themselves. I was an enabler in their underestimating their abilities. This morning Nathan was even to turn on his own bath water and do the correct temperature. He was proud of himself and so were we!
3. Keep your eye on the long term goal and it will make all of the daily little decisions of parenting much easier to make.
4. Children CAN entertain themselves and the parent DOES NOT have to feel guilty about it. I feel as if I am constantly telling my children to "go play," and then I feel guilty for not spending time with them. I've tried it this week, and they are just fine with it. I don't think their entertaining themselves has caused any emotional scars or caused them to feel unloved.
5. The more attention you pay a child, the less they will pay to you.
6. Discipline is really making "disciples" of our children, as God has commanded us to do.
I have to give my husband a huge amount of credit. Most of what Dr. Rosemond told us, David has been trying to accomplish with our children for the past several years. I resisted and thought he was expecting too much out of them. I was glad David didn't go to the seminar with me or he would have been telepathically saying, "I told you so" (lovingly, of course) the entire day! His head has barely been able to fit through the door since I returned. :o)
Dr. Rosemond was right when he began the day saying it would be a "Mother Rescue/Marriage Rescue." When mama's happier, the whole family is happier.
To be honest, I have often thought Dr. Rosemond's answers in his columns were too strict and perhaps outdated. But, when I heard him speak and heard the results he has seen with good old common sense parenting (instead of psycho-babble parenting), one has to believe he knows what he is talking about.
So, as I said yesterday, I am feeling a sense of peace. I feel like I am taking the power back in my household. I am not a slave to my children's wants and whims. There is SO much great stuff on Christian parenting in "Parenting by the Book," and I encourage you to check it out, or better yet, go to a John Rosemond seminar when he is in your area.
**In memory of our dear friend Carmen Rausch, who went to be with her Lord this morning. When it came to Christian parents in this world, she was among the best. May God who welcomed her with open arms comfort the family and friends who will miss her greatly.**
